The Weekly Journal

My fellow members of the European Union, I come before you tonight to tell you of potentially the most catastrophic natural disaster our world has ever known.  I must ask all citizens to remain calm and committed to helping our entire world survive this disaster and mitigate its impact on the earth and its people.  This crisis presents a tremendous opportunity for us to come together in Union as never before. 

Our European Union scientists, together with those in the United States, Russia, Japan and China have confirmed that a series of asteroids will hit the earth beginning on Wednesday, March 2, 2011 and last for five days.  They have calculated with certainty, these asteroids will strike Paris, New York City, Tokyo, Moscow, and Beijing.  Although we know the general vicinity of the strikes, the specific location and the spread of the damage cannot be pinpointed, so each city will be completely evacuated. 

The Leaders of the twenty-seven member nations of the EU and I just concluded a three day summit and have finalized plans for the evacuation of Paris.  We are committed to pooling the resources of the entire European Union to save the 11.5 million people of Paris.  President Sarkozy of France has declared Martial Law in his country.  This is necessary to expedite the organization of resources to execute the evacuation.  All other leaders from across the EU believe they can direct this evacuation without declaring Marshall Law.  However, that is completely dependent on the people of each nation.  We need every citizen to remain calm and come together to help our brethren from Paris.  This will mean making sacrifices ourselves, opening our communities and perhaps our homes to house these visitors.  Public and private mass transport, temporary housing, and food services across the EU will be nationalized to react to this crisis.  This will include both civilian and military ships, airplanes, trains, ferries, busses and military transport vehicles.

The leaders of all EU countries have instructed their entire military to combined strength under General Stewart W. LeRoy, Commander of the French Legion.  I have given him complete authority to implement and execute this evacuation.  All inhabitants must be out of Paris and surrounding suburbs and its border must be secured no later than Monday, February 29^th.  Due to the enormity of this evacuation, citizens of Paris are asked to begin now to gather a small suitcase of essential items and be ready to leave when they are directed to by the French Legion.  Those who have transportation and a place to go will be directed to leave first.  All others will be organized by family and neighborhood and moved as a group to specific locations in 50 host cities in France and ever EU country.  The British, French, German and Dutch Air Force will combine efforts to move non-mobile citizens via air-transport to host countries and house them in civilian and military hospitals, nursing homes adult care facility, and temporary field hospitals.  Those displaced will be provided with food and shelter for 7 days and as long as necessary thereafter.  It is my hope that most people will be able to return home after one week. 

The details of this monumental evacuation will be outlined in today edition of every newspaper in the EU and on the phone and websites listed on your screen:

France:                                 http://www.defense.gouv.fr/Paris/Evacuation

                                                888/458-8691

All Other EU Countries: http://europa.eu/Paris/Evacauation

                                                1-857/367-2354

Also:                                      http://Paris/Evacuation/Name of Country

                                                1-878/345-9856

                Each citizen and household will receive specific instructions from the military teams assigned to their neighborhood.  Those instructions will include where they are going, how they will get there and where they will be housed once on site.  I can assure you that the French Legion will remain in Parris to protect the city until the last possible moment before the strike.  Only then will they retreat to the outskirts to seal the border during the asteroid collision.  They will return to the city as soon as it is safe, access the damage and secure the area.

                I urge you to remain calm.  Every available resource is being deployed to help minimize the impact of this disaster on you and your family.