Readers, we here at The Weekly Journal have just received an urgent communique from famed American citizen Chuck Norris himself to the people of North America. We have been instructed to pass the message on to you, our readers around the world, without delay. Here is that message:
Comrades of the Great Revelation, a new era is upon us. Our obsolete way of life has come to an end. We now have the power and the ability to change our human race to something far greater than we have ever imagined. As you all well know, vampires have been living among us for some time now. We must not be afraid of them but embrace them as our own. The leaders of the American populace are 100 percent behind the evolvement of the vampire community and all of you will follow. The vampires need our support right now. Vampires are smarter, faster, stronger, and better than we are; they are the future. The scientific community as well as the military are looking to “cure” the vampires. Instead of curing them they will be diminishing our chances to evolve as a new race.
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