The Weekly Journal

Readers, we here at The Weekly Journal have just received an urgent communique from famed American citizen Chuck Norris himself to the people of North America. We have been instructed to pass the message on to you, our readers around the world, without delay. Here is that message:

Comrades of the Great Revelation, a new era is upon us. Our obsolete way of life has come to an end. We now have the power and the ability to change our human race to something far greater than we have ever imagined. As you all well know, vampires have been living among us for some time now. We must not be afraid of them but embrace them as our own. The leaders of the American populace are 100 percent behind the evolvement of the vampire community and all of you will follow. The vampires need our support right now. Vampires are smarter, faster, stronger, and better than we are; they are the future. The scientific community as well as the military are looking to “cure” the vampires. Instead of curing them they will be diminishing our chances to evolve as a new race.

To continue reading Mr. Norris' letter to all North Americans, as well as responses from such luminaries as Charlie Sheen, Warren Buffett, and the Leader of the Vampires, please click here.

Readers, we here at The Weekly Journal have just received an urgent communique from Chinese President Hu Jintao himself. We have been instructed to pass the message on to you, our readers around the world, without delay. Here is that message.:

My loved citizens of China,

As you know, our country, and the rest of the world, is in the midst of an unimaginable reformation. The past couple weeks has solidified the end of an era in China’s history and brought forth the underpinnings of a revolutionary, highly advanced breed of life that will surely guarantee the advancement and preservation of our civilization amidst the current turmoil.

Click here to download the Communist Party of China's great plan, Operation Jiang Shi.

In this document you will read:

• A personal message from me, President Hu Jintao
• China's Population Crisis Solved!
• Super Flu Sweeps Nation
• Operation Jiang Shi
• How Becoming a Vampire Changed My Life
• Director Cai Hong's Scientific Report
• Ten Reasons Why Being a Vamp Beats All

Thank you for your time, and as I have already made clear, I desire everyone’s full cooperation with Operation Jiang Shi.

Page One

The Vodka Rebellion

操作蔣師

The Communist Party of China

Operation Jiang Shi

Our Last Hope

Current Issues:

• Urban destruction
• Continued displacement of millions of people
• Government and military popularity – as the crisis continues, favorability ratings (which may already be at all-time-low figures) will in almost all cases trend downward.
• Rebuilding infrastructure (physical buildings/roads/etc.)
• Rebuilding economic infrastructure and the global economy
• The Great Revelation of vampires living among us
• The extinction of the human race? (Through predation, conversion, or the inability to compete with vampires, who are stronger, faster, and smarter than humans.)
• The redrawing of cultural and social structures to adapt to the Revelation
• The persistent worry (paranoia?) that vampires are merely the first to come out. What else is out there?

Objectives:

· Preservation of the human race

· Securing a safe haven in the Caribbean

· Transporting as many survivors as possible

· Placing a trade and travel embargo around our new federation

· Research ultraviolet ammunition and vampire anatomy

Our executives have asked us to welcome vampires into our communities, proposed little to help with the mass displacement, and the global economy is only going to continue to deteriorate. What I am about to propose is unorthodox and a last resort as it will end governments. The human race is about to become an endangered species, whether vampires look at mankind as a food source or not they are stronger, faster, and smarter than humans. This alone will make them difficult to compete with, let alone if we become their prey. Counterparts of mine have suggested that we incorporate them into our government and military. What do we have that they could possibly want? Is synthetic blood an answer? When a wolf, a deer, and a steak are placed in a room what do you think would happen? Would the wolf be content with the steak and leave the deer alone, I think not. Whether they are initially a threat or not, laws of nature will come into play and the lesser species, mankind, will suffer.

What I propose is a military coup of the United States of America. Once in power we take all of our assets and as many people as possible and move to the Caribbean. Initially to our protectorates Puerto Rico and Guam and through diplomacy or force take all of the Island states of the Caribbean. Strategically it will be easiest to defend ourselves and control population movements from Islands. With our new capital in Puerto Rico we can begin to set up defenses. Such as an integrated solar panel network, so that we may shine light on our borders at all hours of the day and night. This rests on the assumption that vampires are at least sensitive to light. Whether sunlight is just a nuisance to vampires or not solar power will come in handy in rebuilding our society.

In the event of an attack on our Islands the vampires will have to get there somehow. Unfortunately again not much is known about them, which is why capture and research is essential to our survival. However, I believe that we can assume that they will need some mode of transportation such as a ship or a plane. Whether our bullets and missiles hurt them or not if we sink the ships or shoot down the planes that they use this will at the very least slow they down if not kill them. Our new federation of island states will be haven for those who wish to remain human.

To accomplish this task the Pacific fleet will be sent to secure our haven while the Atlantic fleet starts evacuation measures. To prevent vampires from boarding we will set up UV checkpoints one has to pass through to board and to reach the bridge. This will hopefully prevent vampires from passage. Secondly security measures will include issuing wooden stakes to marines and army personnel, hanging garlic at ship entrances, and continue research on vampire mythology. Research into ultraviolet ammunition will be extremely useful. The Atlantic fleet will wait two weeks until setting route to the Caribbean, this should be sufficient time for people to reach one of the harbors on the east coast from anywhere in the country.

The thought that one can become stronger, faster, and smarter by simply enduring a brief moment of pain is disconcerting. It is possible that other states around the world my wish to convert to vampires. In all likelihood making us their enemies a conventional attack should be within our power repeal. Some have raised the question of a nuclear attack. Personally I feel this to be an unlikely scenario as they would probably want to take as many of us alive as possible. However, intercontinental ballistic missiles should be brought with us and a second strike capability enabled to ensure nuclear deterrence. The missiles we are unable to bring should be destroyed.

New Russian Socialist Revolution

New Russian Socialist Revolution Military Action Brief

Dear Editor,

The news of this outbreak of vampires is shocking! I didn’t think vampires existed, nevertheless were walking among us. I mean, they’re supposed to be fictional monsters easily warded off by garlic and a crucifix. But now, they’re out there, indistinguishable from the general populace of the world. What are we supposed to do?

As I am not privy to the President and Minister of Defense’s plans, I feel that I, as a representative of the populace of Russia must develop my own, just to be on the safe side. If I had the choice to either befriend the vampires or to fight against them, I would choose to join them. I would do everything in my power not to anger them, as they are superior creatures to the human race and could easily annihilate us.

Also, I believe I can speak on behalf of the Russian populace, both members of the population displaced by the asteroid, as well as those who are safe and sound in the comfort of their homes, when I say that we are dissatisfied in the way the Russian government and military have responded to our current situation.

Our brothers, fathers, and sons between the ages of 18-35 have be conscripted to work as laborers to rebuild the industrial areas of Moscow, while the residential areas, including our homes lay in piles of rubble. Meanwhile, the military has forced us to stay in these “camps” where the conditions are less than habitable. They say the current conditions are only temporary, but I think that is a lie. And for those who were not displaced by the asteroids, the government is stealing resources and supplies, commandeering everything, including money and people, without any compensation or regard. I feel that they could have done a lot more with the power they possess in a way that is reassuring and respectable to the people. After all, there are many more of us than there are of them.

This being said, I believe that joining forces and recruiting the vampires to help the populace would be very beneficial if a stand is taken against the government. The vampires would serve as a “special weapon” of sorts and allow us to overwhelm and overpower the government and military once and for all. The extra advantage of the support of the vampires would force the government to think twice about its actions, as they can’t shoot us all.

Overall, I feel that everyone should think carefully about their response to this outbreak of vampires. We don’t know a lot about them, and what we do know is based on myths. I think the first step is to educate us, and then try to make peace with them. This “pandemic” doesn’t have to be detrimental to the populace of Russia. It could, in fact, make us stronger than ever.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Citizen

We are going to attempt to coexist with vampires
Our plan is to:
-talk to vampires to see their wants and needs
-set up a system that creates legislation protecting humans and vampires
-setup a judicial system to prosecute vampires that break human mandated laws or humans that break vampire related laws.
-setup a system to enforce these human and vampire created laws. The enforcement team should include vampires and humans.

In response to Japans so called vampire sightings, our nation isn't overly concerned with their presence. We are more concerned with the current threat of wide spread homelessness, then with the presence of these mythical creatures. We are interested in learning about their kind and would like to carry on about this in a peaceful way. Scientific testing can will help us to better understand their kind, their biology, and their impact on the fate of the human race. Our civilians seem pre-occupied with their recent displacements and living situations. These creatures haven't posed any great threats to us, we would like to think we can live with them in harmony until proven otherwise. We understand that we are not their equal and we will never try to be.

The North American government would like to extend a warm welcome to our new vampire citizens. We would like to make our stance clear; that we will welcome vampires into our government and that there is no need to hide.

EDITORIAL - The events of the past few weeks have shaken us all. Memorial services continue across the world for those lost in the Great Impact, as the devastating asteroid barrage has come to be known. Millions upon millions of people remain homeless, refugees in their own countries. Despite the confident-sounding pronouncements from governments across the world from Africa to New Zealand, I fear that there are too few solutions, for too few people, to prevent more deaths. As winter continues to hold the northern hemisphere in its icy grasp, and hurricanes and floods continue to ravage the southern, millions remain in grave danger.

And now we have the Great Revelation, perhaps as psychologically devastating as the Great Impact. our neighbors and co-workers, elected politicians and entrepreneurs alike suddenly revealed to us that they are - even after days to grapple with the idea, the concept seems impossible and the word sounds somehow wrong in our mouths and in print - vampires.

You don't need me or The Weekly Journal to tell you that change is stressful. The loss of huge pieces of our greatest cities and the emergence of creatures from what used to be merely mythology has me profoundly shaken.

Something is coming. Something big. Change is in the air. I don't know whether this is the time to draw your curtains, lock your doors, and hide under the covers… or whether we should all take to the streets and make a mighty noise.

***Russian Federation Ministry of Defence Official Action Plan***

***Addressing Threats of Vampire Infection***

Recent events have confirmed the existence of an infectious disease, which results in the necessity to feed upon human blood as well as increased physical capabilities which has been known in folklore as vampirism.

The confirmation of the existence of this disease raises concerns as to what potential threats this infection holds to the Russian populace. While it can be assumed that this disease has existed for much of modern history, the public recognition of this infection may create threats to both the civilian and infected populations.

There is a lack of scientific studies to guide government action at this time and therefore all precautions must be taken as until empirical data can be attained as to how the infection is spread and what threats and biological changes occur as a result of infection.

In the interim it is the military’s opinion that the infected population must be separated from the general population. This is to protect those who are uninfected as well as to inhibit violence and rioting among the general population. Preliminary data from interviews with the infected have confirmed that exposure to sunlight is fatal to the infected and therefore a curfew will be enacted from dusk until dawn. Those who are found outside of their homes during curfew will be detained.

Those who are confirmed to be infected are to be transferred to settlements in the north of Siberia which are to be clear of uninfected residents. These settlements will be managed by the military. These camps are not to serve as prisons but instead serve to isolate the infected population until scientific studies are completed to assess the infection.

Because the only known way to identify an infected individual is to expose the individual to sunlight, military units are to be issued ultraviolet lights in order to briefly expose suspected persons to artificial sunlight. Additionally the refugee camps are to be issued UV light gateways which all entering or leaving must pass through. This will serve to separate the infected population. Violence towards those infected is not to be condoned by the military.

If you suspect that a member of your community is infected please report them to the nearest police or military unit for interrogation.

We do not with the separation of races to be a permanent solution but instead a temporary measure for the protection of all. The cooperation of all citizens is required and we urge all to remain calm.

Anitoly Serdyukov

Russian Federation Ministry of Defence

With the world in turmoil, a new force to be reckoned with has emerged from literally the most unlikely and unthinkable location -- vampires. TBBN has the following two-part report on the emergence of the Earth's latest... threat? Minority? Pandemic?

But not everyone is welcoming the vampires with open arms, or open veins, as it were. Some say that the vampires are a threat to humankind, and must be contained or killed. The Weekly Journal has obtained this never-before-released footage of a vampire killing a human:

So, now that we know that they walk among us, what will our governments do? What will we do?